And in the blink of an eye it’s been 11 years.
Grief is an interesting beast. You go about your days. You feel healed and then out of no where. BAM. The rawness comes flooding back. The tears flow and you become distinctly aware of the hole that sits in your heart.
Just a few days ago I learn of the passing of a sweet friends little boy. I’m mourning for her, for her husband and for her other children. Our stories are vastly different but the emotion of losing your child is one that only a parent who has been there can appreciate. Learning of this loss brought me back. I can actually smell the operating room, feel the chill of silence that took over the OR once our Reid was born and see the sadness that overtook everyone’s face. I can piece together the 4 days we hard our son earth side and it can just sometimes be too much.
Never in a million years….even now 11 years later…could I imagine this would be our story. When we first got married we imagined a big family….at least 3 or 4 children…..running around and eventually growing up and us having pure amazing chaos in our home as it was filled with our children, their spouses, their children. But then life had other plans. We truly are so blessed to have Averee and Caiden here on earth with us. They bring us so much joy and they help us to let some of the grief fade into the background most days. But the thing is the grief overtakes them too. Averee talks about what life may be like if she had two younger brothers here on earth…Jury still is out on whether she thinks it would be amazingly fun or amazingly annoying ;). She mourns the fact that she cant remember Reid (she was only two). And Caiden grieves for never having the chance to meet his brother.
It’s an interestingly balance that we live in every day. Being so thankful for all that we’ve been gifted but being so aware of what was lost.
Life can be unfair. It truly has no promises or guarantees. The only thing we can count on is that we truly do not know what tomorrow will bring. My heart sits in this slightly jaded space…afraid to go back to it’s blissful ignorance of what life was like before losing Reid.
The last couple months have been rough on our family. Nothing that we can’t handle just a lot of things that can add up to one big thing. But today I’m choosing to step back and reflect on all his blessings. I’m praying for my friend and her family. Praying for all of those families out there like ours who are missing that special piece of their heart. If you know someone who has lost a child please don’t be afraid to say their name. Please be willing to sit in their grief with them. They will let you know if the feelings are too much at that time but I can promise you that their child remains with them everyday. They feel that missing part of their hearts every….single….day.
In honor of our sweet Reid please spread kindness today. Please hold a door, buy a coffee, send an anonymous anything. Just spread joy. Let his little life shine on through each of us.
Happy 11th Birthday Reid! I’m sure you are celebrating big today.
Forever in our hearts.