To be honest I’m not sure what to say. I thought by year 10 I would feel pretty healed. That all the joyful memories of the last 10 years would have helped to fill the hole that sits in my heart.
But it hasn’t.
I trust in God’s plan I truly do but I can’t help but wonder how our life would be different. How it would be to have Averee, Reid and Caiden running around together. What would Reid be like? What would his favorite food or sport or color be? I wonder so many things.
I think I’ve kept myself so busy leading up until today that I haven’t had a chance until now to really process that we’re here. It feels like yesterday that our beautiful nightmare began. The doctors offices, the hospital stays and the silent birthing room after he was born. I see so much pain in our eyes in these photos. A pain that I wouldn’t wish for anyone to ever experience. It’s just not fair. We shouldn’t lose our children. But the reality is we aren’t alone and I have met so many of you over the last 10 years with your own stories about the hole that sits in your heart.
Sweet Reid I wish your story had been different. I wish I could hold you and kiss you and give you all of my love every single day. What I would give to have watched you grow. I wish so badly that your body could have been healed here on earth.
We will continue to celebrate you every year and we will continue to be thankful that you chose us. Through the pain we will continue to remember that because of you we are us.
Ten years. Feels like yesterday yet an entire lifetime away. I love you forever sweet boy.
In honor of his 10th birthday if you would spread some joy today in his honor we would be so honored. Hold the door open, buy a coffee or just say something nice to make someones day. Help us bring joy to this day that brings us so much pain.
I write each year for Reid’s birthday. For me it is healing. I need to share. If you would like to read more you can head here. To read more about his story and his life and death you can go here.
Each new life…No matter how fragile or brief…Forever changes the world