I’ve debated for a long time whether or not to write this. Whether I should share my story with my clients…allow them to see this truly vulnerable side of my life.

But then I decided…My clients allow me to be there for some of the most amazing times in their life. For these sweet moments before they officially become mom and dad…to capture their wee’s ones first photos…first birthdays and to just capture the love between them. So I decided to share because I know that I am not alone. That unfortunately many of my clients have suffered through the same type of loss that I have. That they have too probably felt isolated and alone…have reached the very…very bottom. I do not wish for any sympathy as this is my life and I have accepted where God has brought me and I am grateful for the many many blessings he has given to me….Including this part of my story.

Yesterday marked 22 months since my beautiful nightmare officially began. December 14, 2011 was the day our second baby…our first son was born. He lived for 4 glorious days and took his last breath in my arms on December 18, 2011. It was the first time I was able to hold him…that I was able to kiss his beautiful little face…and it was the first time that my reality set in that I…Michelle Cristan…was mommy to a baby who I would never watch grow up.

The reason I chose today to share is because it is National Miscarriage, Infant loss and Stillbirth Remembrance day. It is a day where all of us Mommy’s and Daddy’s of babies who are gone can come together to celebrate their life and the imprint they have left on our hearts.

I share my story so that everyone out there who has lost knows they are not alone. It is a terribly awful subject to talk about…One that used to make me very uncomfortable but through my experience I have learned that it is OK for me to share my story….It is OK for me to share my Reid with the entire world. And to me…It is OK that my sharing can help someone else make it through their beautiful nightmare.  My wish is that one day it will be OK for everyone to talk about.

We are about to welcome our third baby into our family…another little boy. I hope that he will grow up knowing that he has a big brother. And I’m pretty sure that if my girl has anything to do with it he will have nothing but love for Reid.

So today and everyday I wear this badge of honor proudly. As much as I wish that this was not the path that God choose for my life…it is my reality and I have learned to accept it and embrace it. I am the Face of infant loss. I am the 1 in 4.